Monday Night Wars 2: Watching Through My Eyes

By
DieHard Derek
– 03/10/2010Posted in: Commentary, News & Updates

Since I’m always getting emails asking me my thoughts on the happenings of pro wrestling, I thought I’d share with you my experience watching the return of the Monday Night Wars…as if you were watching it through my eyes.

Let me just say that I am not biased to either product. I personally feel that the current state of the business is suffering and the overall product is simply meaningless.This has nothing to do with the talent and ability of the wrestlers – unless otherwise noted…and there are plenty of exceptions. I put full responsibility and blame on the creative script writers and those who allow such atrocities to occur and brand it as entertainment.

Let me also state that I REALLY want TNA to succeed. I’ve watched this company grow and have a personal connection to them as the former booker of NWA Cyberspace, as we practically ran the first unofficial TNA house shows in New Jersey from 2004 – 2006. I’ve witnessed first hand the hard work, dedication and commitment that allowed them to get where they are today. There are many who said it could never be done. yet today, they are officially running head to head against the WWE.

But most times I question if their creative team understands what entertainment really is and if they comprehend the art of writing compelling episodic television. Sometimes TNA loses complete mobility because they are trying too hard to reinvent a wheel that works perfectly fine. Come on TNA. The future of this business needs you to succeed like never before.

With that said, I hope you enjoy my two hour time coded account of how I watched the first night of the new Monday Night Wars and share with you EXACTLY what was going through my mind EXACTLY as it was happening:

8:57pm

  • I’m already committed to watching the opening of TNA. Not only do I want to see how they come out with their guns blazing on their debut show, but they did a decent job in promoting that something BIG is going to happen in the first five minutes.

9:00pm

  • Wow. TNA’s new opener looks like the RAW opener. Impressive but not original.
  • Hogan is kicking off the show. his music makes it feel like an old episode of Nitro. Ugggh – the n.W.o doesn’t work in 2010.
  • Abyss does not belong in this angle with Hogan. I remember when I made Abyss the NWA Cyberspace champion – far from my best idea and a difficult time to work.
  • Brooke is looking hot. I’d do her..and Dixie too.

9:05pm

  • The first 5 minutes have passed. Still nothing! Ball already dropped.
  • Glad TNA went to the traditional 4 sided ring. And i’m digging the old school WCW ramp, even if cuts off the ring to a 3-sided horseshoe.

9:07pm

  • So the “main event” is the leadoff batter???…Brilliant!
  • Wondering how Vince and Shawn feel after all they did for Flair’s retirement???… I guess we all knew that wasn’t going to last.

9:09pm

  • Lights out – here comes Sting…. Would have been cool if it was Sabu.
  • Is this Nitro or Thunder?
  • Sting turns heel…Blah! You know Russo wrote this crap.
  • Sting and Flair ended Nitro and now they are here starting the Monday Impact. Feels like Deja Vu.

9:11pm

  • Bored already!… Wish Brooke would take off her top. Brooke’s Boobs = Ratings!!!

9:13pm

9:17pm

  • This is just as boring! Switching back to TNA.
  • I think I just saw Sting fondle Dixie’s left boob backstage.
  • AJ Styles’ promos are killing him. He reminds me of Bob Backlund 1994.
  • Ric Flair reminds me of Gary Busey….and I think they have a similar arrest sheet.

9:19pm

  • Still no surprise in the first 5 minutes.
  • Abyss’ gimmick sucks. Somebody needs to book him better as a monster.
  • Switching back to WWE – GREAT! bunch of strippers cat fighting. TNA’s Knockouts are so much more talented.

9:23pm

  • I’m guessing they announce Triple H vs. Shamus at Mania. ..Seriously? Nice to have friends.
  • Switching back to TNA – HEY! It’s Kazarian!!!
  • Kazarian is such an underrated wrestler. Please let him do what we know he can do.

9:25pm

  • Here comes Daniels! This is REAL TNA!!!!
  • Daniels and Kazarian are showstealers. they can easily carry this company.
  • Why are they both wearing women’s eyeliner???

9:30pm

  • I like Bischoff’s energy. He really stands behind his product.
  • X-Division match. Finally something worth watching.
  • Doug Williams SUCKS! To big to be in this division. Acts like an early Regal Blue Blood Knockoff.
  • Daniels is a mastermind.
  • Daniels vs. Jericho would tear the house down in the WWE.
  • Doug Williams wrestles like this is fake. His work exposes the business way too much.
  • Kazarian still moves like a kid! This guy never ages!!!

9:37pm

  • WHAT!?!?.. Kazarian loses his PPV title shot to Shannon Moore???.. This guy hasn’t been here in months and is getting shot because he’s Jeff Hardy’s homeboy??? I guess that’s it for Kazarian’s push…. This is such bullshit!
  • Screw this – switching channel to WWE.

9:40pm

  • Is it me or has WrestleMania lost all meaning?
  • Cena/Batista video package ‘dream sequence”. No need to watch flashbacks of the last month. Flipping back to TNA.

9:43pm

  • Not only do TNA’s Knockouts work better, but they are kinda hotter too!
  • Knockout’s tag titles have been stripped. Somebody call the WWE and tell them Awesome Kong is available for bookings!

9:47pm

  • Did Christy Hemme get a boob reduction?… What a sin.
  • Pope does a good Bernie Mac….Guess Bernie can’t sue him for gimmick infringement.
  • Desmond Wolfe is being wasted. He looks like a little kid lost in a shopping mall. TNA has no clue what to do with him.
  • I’m pretty sure Hogan has never watched TNA or done research on talent in Ring of Honor. He’s clueless to today’s type of wrestling.

9:48pm

  • Flipping back to WWE.
  • Orton vs. Legacy – The best WWE has to offer right now!!!….Not so much Cody Rhodes though.
  • Orton is at the top of his game and DiBiasie is going to be a huge star!

9:53pm

  • Commercial break – flipping back to TNA.
  • Velvet Sky drinking booze on the job and spits it all over Borash. I guess these girls don’t swallow.

9:55pm

  • Sting vs. RVD!!!
  • Uhhh, where was the match???… Sting got squashed in seconds.
  • Sting lays out RVD an botches the debut. What a waste!!!
  • All that hype so that Sting can have batting practice.
  • TNA drops the ball…AGAIN!!!!… Switching the channel to WWE.

10:01pm

  • Legacy vs. Orton should be at WrestleMania, NOT free TV.
  • Turning Orton babyface is a big mistake. He’s a natural born heel. Some workers are just not meant for the people.

10:05pm

  • How (and more importantly, WHY) is Eric Young still getting pushed in TNA? I don’t like saying these things about workers, but he just doesn’t have “it”. I don’t understand TNA’s obsession with him. I know he works hard and means well, but there is something that just doesn’t fit at all. He reminds me of Mike Sanders in WCW…and where is he today?
  • Nash is looking pretty jacked. Too bad he moves like an 80 year old man.

10:10pm

  • I refuse to watch Eric Young swing from Nash’s testicles. Switching to WWE.
  • A little early to start calling Triple H a legend don ya think? Sure he will be a legend, but his head is big enough already without using the word legend.
  • Triple H…13 Time Champion… And how many of those title reigns actually mean anything? The flip flop reigns are nowhere as prestigious as the days when wrestlers actually competed and were awarded titles. Russo wasn’t kidding when he said the belt is just a prop in the storyline.
  • Uggghhh… takes Triple H forever to get to the ring. As he walks in slow motion and spits his water, I’m switching back to TNA.

10:12pm

  • Waltman looks like he’s cracked out. Somebody give that boy a steak sandwich.
  • Hall still has it on the mic. The only guy who can make insider jokes funny on-air. I wonder if he’s sober tonight.
  • Damn, I’m from Brooklyn and I think Scott Hall is more hood than I am.
  • Did Bischoff just say “slap that punk upside his bitch head”??? ….I’d pay to hear that again!

10:17pm

  • Triple H still hogging all the air time. Must be good to be married to the boss’ daughter.
  • Told you!!!.. They officially set up Triple H vs. Shamus for Mania.
  • Maybe Shamus is so white from drinking gallons of Triple H’s man-juice.

10:22pm

  • After Criss Angel’s magic show with Santino and the foam cups, I’ve going to do some magic of my own and make WWE disappear from my TV for the rest of the night. This guest host crap needs to stop!!!

10:24pm

  • Switching back to TNA. let’s see how long they can hold my attention before I want to see more of Criss Angel.
  • Don’t like Kurt Angle as a good guy. I don’t buy it. He’s too intense and has the same edge as Orton.
  • Just out of curiosity….what ever happened to Samoa Joe???…Don’t even get me started on this one!

10:29pm

  • If Mr. Anderson can stay healthy, he’d make for a great heel. This guy has untapped talent but his clock is ticking.
  • What’s with the military lumberjack match??? What happened? None of Hogan’s old friends were available tonight?

10:30pm

  • When did Kurt Angle get so patriotic and start touring with the Lex Express???… I guess you have to actually watch TNA to answer that one.
  • Enough of this – let’s see what’s going on at WWE.

10:32pm

  • Evan Bourne is in Money in the Bank at Mania. Should be a fun match but looking at all the competitors, I don’t see anyone who is quality enough to be a future challenger to the heavyweight title. Christian would be a pick here, but nobody cares about him any more.
  • Another “dream sequence” video package music video. Give me some new material and actual wrestling. Save this shit for the website.

10:35pm

  • Switching back to TNA.
  • Hogan, Hebner and Bubba The Sponge promo – please save me!!!!!
  • I think I can hear Vince reaching for his checkbook. Time to buy TNA and put them out of business!

10:38pm

  • Jeff Jarrett, Robert Roode and James Storm…reminds me of an old Cyberspace locker room.
  • It’s a damn shame Jeff Jarrett doesn’t have the control he had when he founded TNA. TNA was his dream and too many people got their hands on it. Things could be so different now.

10:41pm

  • Back to WWE…. Another dream sequence promo of Vince and Bret…..Back to TNA

10:42pm

  • Robert Roode - truly the BEST TNA has to offer!!!!
  • Wonder if Jeff will do the job for Beer Money….I remember the problems I had when I asked Jeff to put over Chris Harris.

10:45pm

  • I wonder who blow dries Jeff Jarrett’s hair???…It’s so feathered. Looks like a chicken coop afro!

10:46pm

  • Jarrett does the job!!!…Ain’t that some shit…. So much for stroke. Next time I book Jeff, he’s putting somebody over!!!

10:47pm

  • Brooke Hogan has man-hands!.

10:49pm

  • Switch back to WWE….Cena vs. McMahon. Do we get an actual match or a clusterfuck?
  • How long before Batista run’s in?

10:51pm

  • Hey Criss Angel, wanna impress me?  Use your magic and change the WWE championship belt into something more normal looking and not something that fell out of P.Diddy’s closet.
  • Cena dropped the hip hop gimmick… Now it’s time for the belt to drop it.

10:52pm

  • When was the last time Vince had a piss test?

10:53pm

  • Flip back to TNA.
  • Are they seriously restarting the same match they opened the show with???

10:54pm

  • Flip back to WWE
  • Vince is calling for help to attack Cena. I guess it was a clusterfuck after all.

10:55

  • Back to TNA
  • Wonder how Vince feels when he sees Abyss wearing Hogan’s Hall of Fame ring considering Abyss will never be a Hall of Famer.
  • I could see the HOF ring gimmick with someone like Kurt Angle who is a definite future Hall of Famer, or even to Sting, who is a legend and who should wrestle at least one match in the WWE – preferably at WrestleMania.

10:59pm

  • Flair and Hogan in a battle of who can chop the other’s droopy man boobs harder. These two have nothing left to prove.
  • The TNA cameraman have no clue what they are doing because they are missing all the key shots!
  • Switching channel in disgust!

11:01pm

  • Uggghhh… I forgot about this shit!!!!
  • Vince keeps changing the rules in the match…What a mark!
  • I’m switching again!!!! Back to TNA

11:02pm

  • At least TNA is showing some real wrestling.
  • Flair looks like a walking tampon.
  • AJ and Abyss must be marking out to be in the same ring with Hogan and Flair…I know I would!!!

11:04pm

  • TNA should be doing so much more with Abyss. He really is an indestructible monster!
  • AJ can fly!!!.. Too bad he can’t talk.

11:07pm

  • Desmond and Pope have no purpose running in this match.
  • Here comes Jeff Hardy. The PPV should have Hardy vs. AJ in the main event.
  • TNA ends the show before Hardy’s Swanton Bomb – fuckin’ morons!
  • Switching back to WWE…You know what? …Fuck that!… I’ve had enough of this tonight!

As disappointed as I was in the overall quality from both shows, it was nice to flip back and forth for two hours of wrestling options (notice I won’t use the word “action” here). You have to give credit to TNA for just getting here. The question is, how long will they last. I like having an alternative on Monday nights, even if it does look like Nitro. And as much as the WWE claims they are not competition, let’s not forget that Monday Nitro started the same way until it finally grabbed Vince and forcefully bent him over for some competitive love.

Dixie Carter, I REALLY hope you can do it again…but you won’t with this type of product. There’s still time to fix things and make an IMPACT!